Frozen

I don't know if it's the winter depression finally setting in (now that it finally feels like winter) or what, but I feel so...frozen. Stuck. Immobile. I can't get anything done. I can't get motivated. I can't make any decisions. I stand butt nekkid in my room every morning for about 10-15 minutes, staring at the various sorted piles of clean and dirty clothing and wish a shirt would fly up from the floor and demand that I wear it.

The only way I can make any decisions is to do so spontaneously and then stick to it like Quincy to his foodbowl at dinner time. Like when wrote Toddy two weeks ago and informed him that I was coming to visit last weekend. I don't know what I would have done if he said he was busy or wasn't going to be around. I probably would have still driven down there and stood outside his house. And today I randomly decided to commit to TWO big art shows - one in B-more and one in DC. I have no idea if I have anything to do those weekends, but I didn't get into the last one, so this is my chance. Ugh, and now I have to decide if I want to convert my term life insurance plan to a permanent one and lock in at a good rate (and largely increase my monthly payment) or if I want to wait. One should not have to decide such things at the age of 26. It just isn't right!

I also can't get anything done at work. There's so much to do that it's intimidating and all I can seem to do is a little bit here and there plus a lot of bullshitting and procrastinating. With the exception of getting to hang out with my work friends, I really don't even like working here anymore. There are a lot of reasons for that...I won't get into them right now. Quite honestly, all I want to do these days is hang out at home and work on photo stuff.

Beh, ok I'm off to buy my cousin a gift card last-minute for his birthday...which is tomorrow.