Underwear? What underwear? I don't see any underwear...

So, one day last week (Friday...maybe Thursday) I came home to find a pair of my underwear lying shredded on the floor. The poor things...they were so dejected - damp, limp, completely fragmented. Aaaaand the crotch was basically missing.

"QUINCY!!!" I shook them at him at his face in dismay as he cowered to the floor with guilt. "VERY BAD!!!" And then I pretty much forgot about it. They were just a regular ol' cotton pair. I wasn't very attached to them...they weren't new. They mostly served the purpose of being workout/period undies.

Quincy doesn't usually chew things like that up anyway. I think he's just got a little cabin fever, as it was very icy out last week, on top of the snow. We didn't get out much.

Saturday morning rolls around and we got up, I fed him his breakfast, let him out. An hour or so later, he puked. Then he puked again. Later he puked a third time, but it was only water. I wasn't too concerned...and then he was fine for the rest of the day. That night, well after dark, I let him out in the back yard. He came back in and immediately squatted down to wipe his arse on the rug, like he had a dangler.

Dammit, Quincy!!! I picked him up and pushed him back out the door to let him "work the situation out". I turned around and noticed a huge wet shit smear on the carpet. Grrrrrreat. Luckily this is just the ugly porch carpet. I turn around and he's still out there, helplessly half-squatted by the bottom of the stairs, looking up at me. I sighed and grabbed some paper towels and went to assess the situation... Yup, there was the crotch of my underwear, now covered in shit and dangling from his butt by a long thread of trim. I pulled it out and took him in and cleaned him up with baby wipes.

The next morning he was puking AGAIN. I thought maybe he was just sick because the day before we had been out wandering the fields by Andrew's parents' house and he'd had several helpings of deer shit and grass. So, I didn't feed him breakfast and he didn't seem to mind, which means he was really feeling bad. I felt sorry for him and let him snuggle with me on the bed. Then, about mid-day I let him out and watched him go potty in the snow. Then he takes a few wobbling steps and bends over and totally ralphs a big wad of something into the snow. I went out once again to assess Quincy's digestive woes. I poke at it with my boot toe...and a very nice, new looking Victoria's Secret tag comes into view. I poke further. It is an entire - WHOLE, BARELY CHEWED - pair of nice, new Victoria's Secret underwear...no longer the lovely blue they once were, but now a pukey brownish turquoise green color. Dammit Quincy! I really liked that pair!!! So, the sad things is...it doesn't end here...I pick up the dejected and partially digested pair of panties and carry them inside where I hopelessly try rinsing them off to see if there's any chance of salvaging them at all. Yes folks, in my grieving state, I actually thought I would wash them and wear them again. It was then that I realized there were a few tiny holes in them... All hope was lost. Oh, Quincy...