Best Weekend Ever
I have the greatest stories ever from about a week ago. Andrew was moving all his furniture into the house and we were getting ready to go on our trip to visit Brooke and Evan in Michigan...
So, I was home most of Saturday cleaning and making space and getting things ready for our trip when I hear a knock at the door. I rush to the top of the stairs only to look down and see...my next-door neighbor . "DAMMIT!", I thought as I ran down to answer (I really just wanted to ignore him and wait for him to go away). I walk outside to talk to him - because ya know, we have this agreement that involves never crossing each other's thresholds. He greets me in his grumbly way and then he pauses...obviously stalling.
"So, this might sound like a weird question coming from your neighbor," he finally says, "......but......you got any porn?"
WHAT?! Some peoples' neighbors come over wanting to borrow sugar...mine come over asking to borrow PORN. What the hell??? At first I didn't know what to say. In fact, I wasn't sure if I even had any porn. Sometimes Andrew brings funny ones home from the pawn shop to giggle over...but we usually fast-forward through them and laugh and then he takes them back. We exchanged some lame and awkward conversation as I pondered the existence of porn in my home, but suddenly I remembered...
"Wait just a minute," I said with an evil grin. I dodged back into my house and reappeared with......Buffy the Vampire Layer. Oh yes! You know it. And I still haven't gotten it back.
***
The next day Andrew moved a bunch of his furniture in. He has a big computer desk armoire that is just about dead. The used furniture place wouldn't take it, so he put it in the alley behind my house, in front of my garages (they are detached and open into the alley) with the intention of moving it in later on. He also left an old beat up armchair there. Not even two hours later I was coming back from the park with Quincy and as I came up through the alley I saw a pair of legs sticking out from behind the armoire. Someone was sitting in the chair! As I got closer I had to try SO hard not to laugh - it was an old man, red-in-the-face drunk holding a can of Steel Reserve. Where the hell did he come from and why was sitting on this chair in the alley?! To top it off, he swayed in the chair and embraced Quincy, saying "Ohhhh!!! He must be a champion!!! How much did you pay for him???" Apparently he didn't notice Quincy's man-boob and the fact that he is the saddest example of his breed ever. I mean, I think he's the most beautiful dog ever, but he's a terrible dalmatian, hahaha. He was still talking to me, leaning in the chair as I rounded the corner...
So that weekend was just full of good stories. Good times, good times...
So, I was home most of Saturday cleaning and making space and getting things ready for our trip when I hear a knock at the door. I rush to the top of the stairs only to look down and see...my next-door neighbor . "DAMMIT!", I thought as I ran down to answer (I really just wanted to ignore him and wait for him to go away). I walk outside to talk to him - because ya know, we have this agreement that involves never crossing each other's thresholds. He greets me in his grumbly way and then he pauses...obviously stalling.
"So, this might sound like a weird question coming from your neighbor," he finally says, "......but......you got any porn?"
WHAT?! Some peoples' neighbors come over wanting to borrow sugar...mine come over asking to borrow PORN. What the hell??? At first I didn't know what to say. In fact, I wasn't sure if I even had any porn. Sometimes Andrew brings funny ones home from the pawn shop to giggle over...but we usually fast-forward through them and laugh and then he takes them back. We exchanged some lame and awkward conversation as I pondered the existence of porn in my home, but suddenly I remembered...
"Wait just a minute," I said with an evil grin. I dodged back into my house and reappeared with......Buffy the Vampire Layer. Oh yes! You know it. And I still haven't gotten it back.
***
The next day Andrew moved a bunch of his furniture in. He has a big computer desk armoire that is just about dead. The used furniture place wouldn't take it, so he put it in the alley behind my house, in front of my garages (they are detached and open into the alley) with the intention of moving it in later on. He also left an old beat up armchair there. Not even two hours later I was coming back from the park with Quincy and as I came up through the alley I saw a pair of legs sticking out from behind the armoire. Someone was sitting in the chair! As I got closer I had to try SO hard not to laugh - it was an old man, red-in-the-face drunk holding a can of Steel Reserve. Where the hell did he come from and why was sitting on this chair in the alley?! To top it off, he swayed in the chair and embraced Quincy, saying "Ohhhh!!! He must be a champion!!! How much did you pay for him???" Apparently he didn't notice Quincy's man-boob and the fact that he is the saddest example of his breed ever. I mean, I think he's the most beautiful dog ever, but he's a terrible dalmatian, hahaha. He was still talking to me, leaning in the chair as I rounded the corner...
So that weekend was just full of good stories. Good times, good times...
posted by Jocie at 12:51 PM
2 Comments:
Glad to see you writing another post.
I can't say that I've ever had a neighbor I didn't know ask for porn. In college, I had plenty of neighbors ask, but that's kind of different.
Haha, yeah I think college is a different story. Plus, I imagine those exchanges are among friends whereas this neighbor is not really my friend. We're so different. I think we tolerate each other more than anything. He's interesting... I'm sure I've written about him before. I'll have to check my older entries and if I find anything I'll direct you to them. ;-) Thanks for your comments!
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